1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:03,500
Oh, hello.

2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:08,160
Now, don't forget, always insist on
Bronson soap.

3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,680
The only soap for Eskimos.

4
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:16,880
It's Tommy Cooper!

5
00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:34,740
Thank you.

6
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:36,840
Thank you.

7
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:37,960
Thank you very much.

8
00:00:38,140 --> 00:00:39,260
Well, so much for the ad libs.

9
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,940
For me?

10
00:00:45,860 --> 00:00:46,880
Oh, you should have done it.

11
00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:50,100
Oh, thank you very much.

12
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,559
Look at that.

13
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,560
Isn't that nice?

14
00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:57,600
Here's a little trick that I'd like to
show you.

15
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,220
Watch very, very closely. Three pieces
of rope.

16
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:02,800
Like that.

17
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:04,900
Do I feel good tonight?

18
00:01:05,860 --> 00:01:06,860
I really do.

19
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,120
There's nothing like a cold bath, is
there? Filled with hot water.

20
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,400
I've just had the soup pressed.

21
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:17,300
I've forgotten to take your bottle out.
Look at that.

22
00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:27,960
Did I go up this morning at 8 o 'clock?
Went down to the corner supermarket.

23
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:29,660
Bought three corners.

24
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,640
A lot of people don't know this, but I
used to work in an ironmonger shop.

25
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:39,480
It's true, many years ago, I got four
pounds a week and all the nuts and bolts

26
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,480
could eat.

27
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:48,060
I shall never forget, my father said to
me, he said, before I went into show

28
00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:51,160
business, he said, if you go into show
business and disgrace the family, I

29
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,160
disown you.

30
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:54,900
I won't leave you any money at all.

31
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,540
And I said, I don't care, dada.

32
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,348
I did.

33
00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:02,350
Dada.

34
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:10,190
So, he tried to bribe me, you know, he
bought me yachts, motor cars, airplanes,

35
00:02:10,669 --> 00:02:12,310
a gold -studded yo -yo.

36
00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:15,030
And I said, Dada.

37
00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:22,190
I said, I don't want these material
things. I want love and affection.

38
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,230
So he got me a blonde.

39
00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:29,750
I described it to her. She was like,
Sophie Lorraine.

40
00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:32,970
Elizabeth Taylor and Diana Dawes all
rode in as one.

41
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:34,490
She was that big and fat.

42
00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,690
When you walk down the street, you
didn't walk with her, you walked among

43
00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:46,870
She crossed the street one day and a
lorry hit her. And I said to the driver,

44
00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:47,970
what's the matter, are you blind?

45
00:02:48,170 --> 00:02:49,170
Why don't you go round her?

46
00:02:50,730 --> 00:02:52,130
He said, I didn't have enough petrol.

47
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,380
I went into a barber shop yesterday. I
said, how much a haircut? He said, seven

48
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:38,999
or six.

49
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,080
I said, how much a shave? He said, two
bob. I said, shave my head.

50
00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:50,760
He said, after I've finished shaving,
what do you want on your face?

51
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:52,520
I said, leave the nose.

52
00:03:56,020 --> 00:04:02,060
And I was sitting down in the chair, you
know, just like that, see?

53
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,820
And I happened to glance with the left
eye on the floor.

54
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,250
It wasn't around like that. It was just
like that.

55
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:11,510
And I couldn't believe it. Right there
on the floor beside me was an ear.

56
00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:14,749
An ear.

57
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:16,370
So I said, whose ear is that then?

58
00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:18,870
He said, well, put your finger up. It's
still warm as yours.

59
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:35,430
They deserve me.

60
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:53,170
Three pieces of rope like this.

61
00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:55,710
This is my wife's favourite trick.

62
00:04:56,710 --> 00:05:00,950
She loves this. I can see my wife now, I
always remember this, on top of a hill,

63
00:05:01,070 --> 00:05:02,410
and the wind blowing her hair.

64
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,610
And she's too proud to chase it.

65
00:05:11,990 --> 00:05:14,290
I got home the other night and my wife
was crying. I said, what are you crying

66
00:05:14,290 --> 00:05:15,290
for?

67
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:19,270
Just like that, what are you crying for?
She said, well, you know that steak and

68
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:21,490
kidney pie I made for you? I said, yes.

69
00:05:21,890 --> 00:05:22,890
She said, well, the dog ate it.

70
00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:24,930
I said, don't worry, I'll get you
another dog.

71
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:36,040
I'd like to introduce you now to the
guest star of the show, Mr. Ted Ray.

72
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,520
Tell him.

73
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:50,780
You're as good as ever, mate. I was just
passing by. I thought, I knew you were

74
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:51,479
working here.

75
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,120
I thought, I'd go in and see my old
friend Tommy Cooper.

76
00:05:53,380 --> 00:05:55,880
And Tommy, I would like you, as I'm
here, I love your magic.

77
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,040
Some wonderful tricks. I'll do one for
you. Just for me. Just for you. Yeah.

78
00:06:00,789 --> 00:06:01,589
Bottle glass?

79
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:02,590
Yeah.

80
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:03,930
Right? Great.

81
00:06:04,170 --> 00:06:06,010
Here's the bottle. There's the glass.
The bottle will now change place!

82
00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:07,330
No.

83
00:06:09,430 --> 00:06:10,429
For the glass.

84
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:14,810
Yes? The bottle's now changed place for
the glass. How do you know?

85
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:17,730
The typical part is to let it go back
again. Yeah? What?

86
00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:25,570
Oh, no. Oh!

87
00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:27,990
No, you can't go down there. No, no, no.

88
00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:29,250
You can't. Yeah.

89
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:33,319
How's that?

90
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:39,440
My agent

91
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:44,280
is sitting over there. I'd like you to
just have a look over there and see my

92
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,280
agent because he loves magic.

93
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:46,920
Would you do the same trick for him?

94
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,100
No, I'd do the rope trick instead. I
don't want to know about the rope trick.

95
00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:53,360
He'd like to see the bottle and glass
trick. Yeah? Yeah.

96
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:56,380
You want me to do it again? You can't do
it again.

97
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,380
I can't? You can't do it again. I bet
you can't do it again. I bet I can. I

98
00:06:59,380 --> 00:07:01,400
you can't do it again. I bet I can. I
bet you apparently can't do it again.

99
00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:04,280
Now, I'll show you this trick over here.
I'll bet you a pound you can't do it

100
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,900
again. I'll show you this trick. A mean
skinflint, isn't he?

101
00:07:07,100 --> 00:07:07,619
Who's mean?

102
00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:09,900
Eh? You heard that? Of course I heard
that. I'll bet you a pound you can't do

103
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:10,739
again. Here we are.

104
00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:11,740
Here's the glass, right? Yes.

105
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:15,640
Now you go... It's back again there like
that. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

106
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:17,980
How's that then?

107
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,660
The invention of our time.

108
00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:39,240
The wheel.

109
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:45,860
What would mankind do without the simple
but vital invention, the wheel?

110
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:52,420
An invention which first began literally
ages ago, shortly after the dawn of

111
00:07:52,420 --> 00:07:53,420
time.

112
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,100
Oi, oi.

113
00:07:56,420 --> 00:07:58,980
Look what I made out. What is it?

114
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,820
The first...

115
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,860
as an aid to propulsion.

116
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:18,520
This happened in a cave in a part of the
world now known as Edinburgh.

117
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:24,180
If I can only sell this to some fool of
a Sassenach tourist, I'll buy you a new

118
00:08:24,180 --> 00:08:25,720
saber -toothed tiger coat.

119
00:08:26,180 --> 00:08:27,780
Well, what's your invention called?

120
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,600
I don't rightly know, but it's funny.

121
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:31,819
Good morning.

122
00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,520
Oh. I'm your next -door neighbour.

123
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,058
What's that?

124
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:36,760
Oh, that's a new invention of mine.

125
00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:38,039
What do you call it?

126
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,700
Wheel. A wheel?

127
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:41,169
That's just what I wanted.

128
00:08:43,429 --> 00:08:44,830
I'll be able to ride it much better now.

129
00:08:48,090 --> 00:08:51,310
Only £125?

130
00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,150
That's right, sir, £125.

131
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:54,929
Sure, that's cheap.

132
00:08:54,930 --> 00:08:56,310
Yes. I'll take it.

133
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:57,870
Oh, good.

134
00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:01,090
Will the cheque be all right? Yes,
that'll be quite all right. Thank you

135
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:04,110
much. It's cheap, isn't it? Well, I
think it's very good value, sir. I think

136
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:04,989
is at all.

137
00:09:04,990 --> 00:09:05,990
£125.

138
00:09:06,330 --> 00:09:07,790
£125. Here we are.

139
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:11,380
That's very nice. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much, sir. Yes, that's

140
00:09:11,380 --> 00:09:12,380
right.

141
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,240
Will you have it delivered, sir, or
would you prefer to take it with you?

142
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,520
I'll take it with me. Right you are,
sir.

143
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,720
There you are.

144
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:31,620
Another form of wheel

145
00:09:31,620 --> 00:09:35,240
which has been with us for countless
centuries is the potter's wheel.

146
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,100
It was on...

147
00:09:37,420 --> 00:09:43,100
One of these crude wheels that an early
inventor first created, the flower pot.

148
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:47,900
Just what I wanted.

149
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,140
So much for the wheel.

150
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,160
At this point, we would like to
apologise to people living in East

151
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,980
We're sorry you're living in East
Anglia.

152
00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:04,820
And now stand by for another special
announcement.

153
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,120
Oh, hello there.

154
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,680
Now here's a message to all the Eskimos
in Iceland.

155
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:10,980
Wrap up.

156
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,760
And now over to a certain restaurant in
Finsbury Park.

157
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:24,800
May I join you?

158
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,120
Oh, yes, go on. Thank you.

159
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,280
Yes, sir. Have you got a room for a
night?

160
00:10:43,540 --> 00:10:47,900
Now it's interview time, and in our
studio this evening we have that famous

161
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:50,400
African explorer and missionary, Dr.

162
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:51,640
Livingstone.

163
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,800
Do you like it? Yes.

164
00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:09,140
It's a bush hat.

165
00:11:11,349 --> 00:11:12,750
Well, well, well. Dr.

166
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:13,970
Livingstone, I presume.

167
00:11:14,030 --> 00:11:15,030
I wish you wouldn't say that.

168
00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:17,310
Everybody says that. Dr. Livingstone, I
presume.

169
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:18,610
I'm sick of it.

170
00:11:18,730 --> 00:11:21,290
Besides, Stanley never said that. Well,
if he didn't say that when he met you in

171
00:11:21,290 --> 00:11:24,110
the African jungle, what did he say? He
said, you're a lobby lad and I claim the

172
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:25,110
three drinks vouchers.

173
00:11:26,010 --> 00:11:27,430
What on earth did he say that for?

174
00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:28,670
Well, he was potty.

175
00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:32,810
The last time I saw him was in Egypt.
Oh, what was he doing?

176
00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:35,630
Well, he was throwing sticks out into
the desert and he was trying to get the

177
00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:36,630
sphinx to fetch him.

178
00:11:37,930 --> 00:11:40,640
Yes, of course, you're the... always be
remembered, won't you, as the man who

179
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:44,380
discovered the Victoria Falls and Lake
Victoria. Oh, no, no, it's not quite

180
00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:47,900
correct. I rode over Lake Victoria. Yes.
And then I discovered the falls.

181
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,780
And you called them the Victoria Falls.

182
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:55,560
Not at the time I did. I told you what I
called them. Yes, and what did you do

183
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:58,000
after you made this famous double
discovery?

184
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,000
Well, I pushed farther into the jungle.

185
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:01,920
And poor old dad, he didn't want to go.

186
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,300
describe as your most unnerving
experience in Central Africa?

187
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,780
When I found a rhinoceros in bed with
me.

188
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:18,540
Well, how on earth did a rhinoceros
manage to get into your tent without you

189
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:19,219
hearing it?

190
00:12:19,220 --> 00:12:20,220
Well, he tiptoed.

191
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,760
And so I took out my rifle and I shot
him.

192
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:30,260
I see, and I suppose that rhino was the
biggest game you ever encountered in

193
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:33,900
Africa. No, no, no. It was about a year
later I found my biggest game. What was

194
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:35,580
that? A 75 -foot dartboard.

195
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:49,520
On that safari, that's why I caught a
native. He stole my pith helmet.

196
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,520
He stole your pith helmet? Well, what
did you do?

197
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,540
I shot him with my pith toe.

198
00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:09,480
Talking about Stanley, what is your
fondest memory of him?

199
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:11,280
Ah, well, when we went lion hunting.

200
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:14,860
And I taught him the native method of
how to put the bait in the hole.

201
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,980
So when the line went in, he was
trapped.

202
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,820
See, Stanley must have been impressed.

203
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:19,679
Oh, he was.

204
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,680
He was the bait.

205
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:26,060
And was this the last time you ever
heard of Stanley? No, no, no, no. I got

206
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,060
letter from him. Oh, good.

207
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:28,800
Would you like to hear? Oh, we'd love to
hear that, yes.

208
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:34,860
It's a dear liverstone.

209
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,120
That's me. Yes.

210
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,840
I'm out here in the Congo jungle.

211
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,880
I've been eating bananas and oranges all
day long.

212
00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:43,260
And coconuts.

213
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:44,420
Lovely and hot.

214
00:13:44,510 --> 00:13:46,230
And I'm surrounded by the head
shrinkers.

215
00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:49,730
They can shrink a head to the size of a
small orange.

216
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,530
P .S.

217
00:13:51,670 --> 00:13:53,730
If you get me a bowl of hats size one
and a half, send it over.

218
00:13:58,970 --> 00:13:59,970
Dr.

219
00:14:02,770 --> 00:14:05,650
Linton, I believe you've brought with
you some souvenirs of Africa.

220
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:07,370
Oh, yes, I have. I have, yes, I have.

221
00:14:07,610 --> 00:14:08,990
I've got them right here. Ah, good.

222
00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:10,230
There we are, look.

223
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,350
Here's...

224
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,300
Of a very famous witch doctor. I see.
Yes.

225
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,880
And here's the skull of the same witch
doctor when he was a boy.

226
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,540
And what's in here?

227
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:25,319
Oh, there.

228
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,960
Well, it's funny. It's the kind of a...
It's a mongoose.

229
00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:31,480
Yes. It should be out in a minute. It's
not going to... It's a bit dangerous,

230
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,600
you see.

231
00:15:00,430 --> 00:15:03,090
I'll tell you a little secret, ladies
and gentlemen. Ever since I've been in

232
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:07,490
show business, I've always had the
ambition to play the part of the famous

233
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:08,710
Scarlet Pimpernel.

234
00:15:09,190 --> 00:15:12,750
I'm very happy to tell you tonight that
we've just received a completely new

235
00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:17,910
adaptation of this famous story, and
tonight, the Scarlet Pimpernel will be

236
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:18,910
played by Tommy Cooper.

237
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:21,790
And I think it's rotten.

238
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:24,550
Honestly, I think it's rotten.

239
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:25,890
Rotten!

240
00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:35,220
The woods are full of them.

241
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:42,880
I am the Scarlet Pimpernel. They seek me
here, they seek me there. I owe them

242
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:43,880
money everywhere.

243
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,240
I'll never recite the same poem
backwards.

244
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,160
I'm the Scarlet Pimpernel.

245
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,680
They seek me here, they seek me there. I
owe them money everywhere.

246
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,580
And where the devil is Sir Henry Fuchs?

247
00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:56,340
He's late.

248
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,960
What time is it? Look at that. It's
stopped.

249
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:02,100
No wonder. It's too much sand.

250
00:16:05,079 --> 00:16:06,079
How dare you!

251
00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:07,979
Anyway, who are you?

252
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:11,620
It is I, Sir Andrew Fuchs, your
confederate, disguised as a French

253
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:12,820
Oh, I like your rags.

254
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:13,840
New, aren't they?

255
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,059
Anyway, you're late.

256
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:17,100
Yes, I'm sorry, Sir Percy. I've been to
see Yvette.

257
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:18,600
What's the matter? You got the stamper?

258
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,320
I must tell you something.

259
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,040
Something has just come through the
grapevine. What was that?

260
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,320
A bunch of grapes.

261
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,900
I'll tell you this. I know this for a
fact, that the Queen is going to be

262
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:33,380
executed in the yard.

263
00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:36,610
No. Yes. I left wet in the Boy Scouts'
hat.

264
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,390
But how are you going to rescue her?

265
00:16:39,610 --> 00:16:40,509
I've got a plan.

266
00:16:40,510 --> 00:16:41,510
A plan.

267
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,350
See this cake? Yes.

268
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:44,930
I'm going to send this to the Bastille.

269
00:16:45,390 --> 00:16:48,470
What's in it? I'll tell you what's in
it. Sugar, eggs and flour.

270
00:16:49,370 --> 00:16:50,370
Self -raising flour.

271
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,390
Sir Percy, I must leave you.

272
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:56,050
Why? Here comes Citizen Chauvelin.

273
00:16:56,490 --> 00:16:57,490
So there you are.

274
00:16:57,770 --> 00:16:58,770
Yes. Ah.

275
00:16:59,610 --> 00:17:00,810
Sir Percy Blakeney.

276
00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:02,750
Citizen Chauvel. I'm Mr Chauvel.

277
00:17:04,230 --> 00:17:08,770
You can call a spade a spade. Tap me,
Trimble, Clip McCodfess, Parami,

278
00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:09,849
and I apologize.

279
00:17:10,609 --> 00:17:12,349
Why? Well, I may have said something
dirty.

280
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,609
Anyway, stand up. You are standing. Of
course.

281
00:17:15,829 --> 00:17:19,910
Right. How are you? You working? Well,
in my capacity as the chief of the

282
00:17:19,910 --> 00:17:24,010
Republic police, I am searching for a
mysterious Englishman who calls himself

283
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:28,410
the Scarlet Pimponel and who has been
bedeviling the whole of France by

284
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:32,590
snatching away the aristocrats from the
eager jaws of Madame Guillotine.

285
00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:34,640
Well, that's a plot. Let's get back to
the jokes.

286
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,240
All right. What brings you here, Sir
Percy, to France?

287
00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:40,180
To buy a new suit. Yes?

288
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,200
I think the clothes are wonderful here
in Paris.

289
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,060
Ah, jamais Paris.

290
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,480
Never say Paris.

291
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,660
Toujours, always say Paris.

292
00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:49,099
Ah, Paris.

293
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:49,979
Paris.

294
00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:52,340
What kind of material is your suit going
to be?

295
00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:53,620
Harry Tweed.

296
00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:00,860
If those are the jokes, let's get back
to the plot.

297
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:06,590
Jacques Chauvelin have a trap for the
Pimpernel.

298
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:08,710
I call it my Jacques trap.

299
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:13,510
Can I count on your support?

300
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:16,090
Look,

301
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:18,430
I'm going to have a big party.

302
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:23,510
Yes, a big party. And I would like you
and Lady Blakeney to come. I am going to

303
00:18:23,510 --> 00:18:24,389
throw a ball.

304
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,390
Who's better?

305
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:30,430
No, no, no. It's impossible. You can't
come. Why not? Why not? Why not? Why

306
00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:32,590
Why not? Why not? I'll tell you why not.
Why not? Why not?

307
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,930
Because I have to arrest the Queen from
the Bastille.

308
00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:37,150
Oh!

309
00:18:37,430 --> 00:18:38,430
Ah.

310
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:40,570
That is where you made your mistake.

311
00:18:40,790 --> 00:18:43,570
I know, I know. I have had you under
surveillance all the time. Of course,

312
00:18:43,570 --> 00:18:44,449
are the one.

313
00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:47,010
You left your fingerprints in the
plaster of Vendôme.

314
00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:48,270
I did? Yes.

315
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,510
So that's where they are. I've been
looking for them all over the place. Why

316
00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:53,610
should I stand here and listen to all
this? Besides, I'm going to arrest you

317
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,070
the name of France. No, just a moment. I
told you, look.

318
00:18:55,790 --> 00:18:56,790
Hold your hand out.

319
00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:00,950
Cards. Right? Yes.

320
00:19:01,570 --> 00:19:02,570
One, two.

321
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:09,500
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14,
15 cards.

322
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:16,640
Correct. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,
11, 12, 13, 14, 15 cards there.

323
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,880
Correct. All different cards. Yes,
that's right.

324
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:22,000
Now, I tell you what I'm going to do.
What? I'll take these 15 cards here and

325
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,420
place them inside your pocket. Yes,
inside my pocket. Yes, and I'll place

326
00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:25,540
15 cards in there. Yes.

327
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,060
And now I'm going to make three cards
jump from this pocket to your pocket.

328
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:29,859
That's impossible.

329
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:31,800
I am still not... Did you hear that?
Nothing.

330
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,250
Did it? Yes.

331
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:34,390
I'm sorry. I felt that.

332
00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:37,290
I didn't start it. Oh, it hurt. Right,
OK. Good night. I've done it. That's

333
00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,870
good. Yes. Right. Now watch this very,
very closely.

334
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:41,710
I had 15, right? 15 guns. Right.

335
00:19:41,950 --> 00:19:47,410
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.

336
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:49,410
Brilliant. See how many you've got now?

337
00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:50,930
Certainly. Hold out your hand.

338
00:19:51,430 --> 00:19:52,229
1,

339
00:19:52,230 --> 00:19:54,290
2, 3, 4, 5.

340
00:19:54,810 --> 00:20:00,570
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven,
twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,

341
00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:06,450
sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen,
twenty, twenty -one, twenty -two, twenty

342
00:20:06,450 --> 00:20:07,930
-three, twenty -five,

343
00:20:08,670 --> 00:20:09,670
twenty -six.

344
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:20,650
Percy! What? Citizen Chauvelin's men are
coming to arrest you. You must leave

345
00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,529
France immediately.

346
00:20:21,530 --> 00:20:22,530
I've packed your case.

347
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,800
I shall go in disguise.

348
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,240
I can be anybody.

349
00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:33,520
An admiral.

350
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,100
Rear admiral.

351
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:01,450
Kept those elephants off the street.

352
00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:09,790
701, 702, 703, 704.

353
00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:11,870
Have you seen Roger Moore anywhere?

354
00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:23,230
And now it's time for Other People's
Jobs, a programme designed to help young

355
00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:25,250
people make up their minds about their
future careers.

356
00:21:25,490 --> 00:21:28,510
Tonight we say, so you want to be in the
police?

357
00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:09,249
escape criminal.

358
00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:12,730
Have you seen a man answering to the
description of the mad stuffer and

359
00:22:13,070 --> 00:22:15,450
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

360
00:22:43,370 --> 00:22:46,190
So what's the matter? My wife wants to
throw herself out the bedroom window.

361
00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:47,369
She does?

362
00:22:47,370 --> 00:22:48,670
Yes, and I can't open the window.

363
00:22:53,610 --> 00:22:56,950
All right, Hoskins. Now, don't you
forget.

364
00:22:57,670 --> 00:23:00,730
When you see the escaped convict, sing
out.

365
00:23:03,570 --> 00:23:04,570
There.

366
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:33,540
Oh, remember that accidents happen
anywhere, anytime.

367
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,080
So mind...